The Clock is Ticking: My Man, our Buddy and Me; Patriarchal America; and Trump

Please be aware that this post talks about an actual sexual assault on a teenager. It might be upsetting to read.

On my Writing and a Note on Us

Writing is something I do, because it gives me such pleasure. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, since I was a kid. But I never had a subject or could think of a plot that truly interested me. And you need that interest.

Character building terrifies me. Being no good at small-talk myself, characters in anything I write will say very little to each other, I have no idea how you can build characters for a novel.

But it turns out writing about something that really interests me, sex for example, is something I can actually manage to do, though I can’t qualify for myself how bad or good it might turn out.

I believe I write for everyone. There is no bias to be more aimed at a particular identity of gender at all, and I hope that this comes across in my writing.

My writing is almost always about me, my man, and very often our friend. They are both fully supportive of and often amused by, have even been known to be made horny by my writing.

The sex I write about is how I enjoy it. I have submissive tendencies, though sometimes, especially when I have a dick in my mouth, I can get quite erm … how to put this … controlling of where things are going; my inner goddess and my submissive-self coming together sublimely in the pure joy of giving that pleasure, of listening to my partner and driving them higher.

You will often see me take a submissive role in my writing, but that doesn’t mean I feel any less powerful than the people I am in the scene with. It’s just how our dynamic often works.

My man tends towards domination, I tend to submission. Our buddy tends to just enjoy where he’s going, though he knows and sometimes even gives me what I want, and I know that the power dynamic gets him off too. But he’s relatively new to it and we’re all three of us gently and carefully finding our way together. We fit well.

I’d like to stress it though, none of us are in any way misogynistic, and neither is our sex. We’re one-hundred percent respectful of each other at all times and neither of them see me as a lesser being, just because I like to be dominated and sometimes even hurt.

Everything we do is fully consensual. Some things we just let play out, some things are discussed and agreed on beforehand. All three of us have safe words and those and gestures are understood completely and when used, the effect is full and immediate.

I do write some fantasy, which I also enjoy greatly. It’s so exciting, because the stories start out as a very loose idea, but the characters in them and how they react in the moment, dictate where the stories will go. Those stories write themselves.

Sometimes I might explore misogyny in fantasy, but that is tongue-in-cheek exploration and should never be taken as a thing meant seriously by me.

On Misogyny in Western Society and in particular, Patriarchal America

All my life, since I first became aware of it, and long before the Me Too movement, I have been upset by patriarchal society. It’s a crying shame, that girls are fed into a sexualised role so young, in so many societies. Almost all western societies are culpable to some extent, some more than others.

I’d like to make a statement here, that I am not claiming that the problems I mention below are the same all over America. I’m sure there are many progressive areas, schools and attitudes towards this. Also, I am sure there are very many boys who have been brought up well enough to not expect that a girl’s body is his given right.

Even before Me Too, I used to feel so angry for American teenage girls. There is a generalised expectation in many parts of America, that teenage girls should remain pure.

Jeering and bullying in American high-school society, with its tight ranks of where you fit on the social scale of things, is in many areas an endemic problem.

Girls walk a fine line between being labelled “frigid” or a “slut”, depending on what they are willing to give up of themselves to boys, some of whom are brought up believing they have a right to the bodies of girls, a right to be given or even to just take the sex they want, to varying degrees.

Being labelled like this can be psychologically crippling, especially in those rigid social classes that teens apply to themselves.

Boys generally don’t have these labels applied to them, rather, if they succeed with a girl and are brazenly open about it, they receive positive labelling like “stud”, but the girl’s label will be “easy” or “slut”.

Girls are taught from a very early age that their self-worth is measured by the male-gaze. They’re defined by their looks, their femininity, their wholesomeness and but also their sex-appeal. It’s such a fine balance to be wholesome, but still be sexy enough so you don’t get labelled either way.

A few years ago, I remember reading a particular article about a teenage girl who was plied with probably spiked alcohol at a party, and then when unconscious she was stripped and sexually assaulted, she believed she had been raped. Pictures of her unconscious and naked were shared on social media.

She then had social labels applied to her at school. She became, in the view of other students, a whore, she was blamed for the attack. She was shunned and ostracised by most of her class.

Can you imagine how that must feel, to be a teenage victim of sexual assault while you’re unconscious, to have pictures of your naked body on social media and then to be blamed and shamed for it, to be cut-off socially because of it? It’s absolutely sickening.

On July 9^th this year, the Guardian shared an article on child marriages in America. It’s truly scary stuff.

And then there’s the abortion-law travesty and a general lack of maternity care, especially for non-white women. For a western society, it falls very far behind on women’s rights and the care of its women.

Since the Me Too movement, there is now at least a narrative. There have been moments of culpability and hope. But there is still a long way to go, for ingrained attitudes to even begin to change.

*insert your choice expletive here* Trump

And now they’re in danger of re-electing a president who has been accused of sexual assault and rape. Who has absolutely no regard for women, whatsoever. Who during his last term stripped back women’s rights to the autonomy of their own bodies and their financial security, their right to equal pay.

His views on the rights of LGBTQ people are intolerable and hostile. Don’t get me started on he views on people of colour or immigrants. His track record with human-rights in general has been abysmal.

That he might be re-elected scares the hell out of me, not just for the demographical groups he likes to persecute, and you already know there are more than I mention here. I do fear the further havoc he may cause to their basic rights and their social well-being.

But also if he wins this race, I fear what it might mean in Europe with the rising far-right movement, and I especially fear for the Ukraine and how the fall-out from any decisions he implements over the war, could affect the balance of world peace.

On the world stage, he is a puppet running under the delusion he acts autonomously. It’s a truly frightening prospect.

Disclaimer: All views I put across here are my own. I do not air them to start an argument, and I respect that other people may not agree with me. That’s your business.